it's 4:30 in the morning and I can't sleep

I recently watched a film about the late Jeffery Dahmer. Wow. I know that the economy is scary right now, but at least he’s dead. The actor who played him was someone I’d seen in many other projects, but when the credits rolled, I jumped up and ran out of the house and down the street so I did not catch his name. When I returned to the house, some Will Smith movie was on…there were vampires in it, but thankfully none were wearing freaky 70’s amber tinted aviator sunglasses.
I’m pretty sure that not one person who claims to be my friend actually likes me. And people have to try really hard to become my friend because I am the antithesis of outgoing. You have to practically present me with an Academy Award before I will believe that you want to hang out with me. I have exactly 9 friends, 14 friendly acquaintances, 97 relatives and the rest of you…well, I am still waiting for my Academy Award (you should see me at the annual elementary school Christmas party…arguably my best work.) And there are persons in my freezer.
How did I get to a place in life where I am made to agonize over the patterns on someone else’s 19 pairs of black socks, and the person I am supposed to be sharing my life with can’t be bothered to wipe his ass? And nobody likes cold water. The only reason that people take the cold water bottles out of the fridge is that they are leaving the warm ones in the garage for everyone else. And why is it that most households are full of folks who can never find anything? I have a rule in my house: if you claim that I have to find it for you and it takes me less than ten seconds, you’re busted. Unless it’s the kitchen…then there is the odd case of knowing exactly where it is when you need it, but having no clue where it goes when you’re done with it.
I’m off to stock the fridge.